the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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