um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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