Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My cat gives me a boner
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
