her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
