U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
