therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
