I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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