if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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