i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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