Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
