I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
