my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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