After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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