Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
