If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
