Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
