Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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