She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
