You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I CAN MOONWALK!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
