she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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