I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
