Who did Billy Mays play for?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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