hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
