Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
