it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
