I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
