all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
