It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
