The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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