I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
