I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
