Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
