Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
