nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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