You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
