Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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