Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
