I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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