He is such a slut. More and more my type.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
