What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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