my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
