I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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