Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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