i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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