every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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