Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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