Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
