If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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