so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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