Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
