I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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