i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
