I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
