Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
